Thursday, 26 May 2011


After yesterday's terrible self pity attack, which is actually more like a continuous state of mind rather than just an attack, I went out and did the right thing. Exercise that is. Good for body mind, as they say in my classes. The thing started with a heavy cloud of unworthiness hanging above me, which soon turned into something else. Rain. By the time I reached my sweet little home, my clothes were hanging heavy on me and before they were heaped on the bathroom floor, I had found a hole in my only pair of jeans. My jeans are threadbare and so am I. My life really doesn't proceed like The Martha Stewart Show.

However, biking in the rain was so miserable, that I forgot my life's misery for a minute and was stricken by a constructive thought. Heureka! I need to move and I need a deadline. So, if I have not scored a job by mid-summer somewhere, I shall move to Helsinki regardless of jobs or other reasonable reasons like that. I need to cut this stillness, this spiral of negativity. I need to feel I am moving even I am not moving on. And tomorrow I shall buy a new pair of jeans regardless of the excess weight I have put on or my current finances. Resolutions.

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